OMG IT'S A TONE-DEAF SINGER!!!

So in town the other day on my lunch break from work and I heard a voice, No, not in my head but a God awful singer. But alas it was not the usual culprit, it was her husband. No surprise that he is equally as awful as his wife.  But unlike his wife I could understand what he was singing. Obviously this did not make it any better but, seriously, he could give his wife some tips on pronunciation.

I AM STILL ALIVE BY THE WAY!

OK so it's been ages since I last posted anything so, Hello and I am still alive. I went back to uni last week so I've been busy but with a new post comes a new design of the blog. Hope y'all like it.


Meh
Bye.

Chavlings..

So, post-fest part deux. Well I was on the train a few days ago and as I got of I heard in quite a high pitched voice, "Yeah mate I fucking did her last night!" As I looked to see what had uttered these words I saw a group of kids on the opposite platform, dressed in there trackies and imitation burbery caps. I couldn't tell which one had said it but the oldest one couldn't have been any older than 10. I means seriously how at their age do they even know what that means. Seriously though, what the hell. 

Meh

Bye.

The Return of The Dreaded Tone-Deaf Singer, Again.

So, Oh My God, It's been ages since I last blogged. It's been a busy couple of weeks. So, to make it up to what few readers I have, this evening I will see if I can think of enough things to write two posts, which I am sure won't be a problem, I mean look at me I can talk for England.


So I was at work today and guess who decided to make a guest appearance in the town centre. She waddled out dragging her amp behind her, freaky husband in tow and set up for her performance. Well obviously it was the tone-deaf singer, hence the post title.


I don't think I can stress how irritating this woman is. She is so bad she makes you want to stick pins in your ears. Well as I have mentioned before she was singing gibberish. Today it was to the theme tune from the Godfather. No idea what words she was using though.


I think the most irritating thing, the thing that made it all the more annoying was the fact the weather today was amazing, really warm and really sunny, and I was stuck inside with no air con while she was out there in the sun, killing everyone's sense of hearing.


Meh
Bye.

Return of the Tone Deaf Singer

She was back again yesterday. This time with and ear-splitting rendition of 'Halleluja'. She was wailing this song in a fashion that I couldn't  quite understand. BNefore I said that she was singing in a different language. I'm not quite so sure now that she is even singing words. I trhink that she lust sort of  mumbles along to a tune.

Not even the rain could stop her though. Her and her husband just whipped out a couple of umberellas and covered the amp with a bin liner. I was getting hopeful for a minute that something good was going to come out of the rain. But apparently it wasn't to be.

Meh
Bye.

Camping Near The Nudist Beach...

So, on Thursday I went camping with some Uni friends. We camped at Southsea Leisure Park (although I don't actually know why Southsea is in the name as it is actually in Eastney, but never mind). It was me Consequences (Casey) and Snappy (Stacey). Smem was supposed to come but had wedding related things to do so couldn't.

Can you see much grass in this picture?

So, the others got there before me and started putting the tent up, or at least attempted to. To say the ground was crap is a massive understatement. The pitch was apparently a grass one, although about an inch down it was just rock, so the pegs were really hard to hammer in. So when I got there the tent was up but only half attached to the ground, they had been there since 12, and I got there at 1, the tent wasn't up till 2.

When it was finally up and we had put all of our crap in it we went the beach. Now, when I got to the camp-site Consequences and Snappy took great pleasure in telling me that we were close to the nude beach . I didn't quite realise how close until we walked onto the beach only to see a BIG FAT NAKED OLD MAN! There were no warning signs or anything. But I am sure I can somehow erase the image of him and the other stark naked people that were there (including the purple haired granny, with her knees up giving us the full frontal view).

The dreaded penis pistol!!!!!

After getting over the shock of the sight of the naked old people we went back to the tent. When I sat down on my sleeping bag, the others (who are not exactly discreet) started to laugh at me. I had no idea what was going on until a little while later I unzipped my sleeping bag to find a water pistol inside. Not just any water pistol , a penis water pistol. (That sounded like a 'Marks & Spencer's' Ad) Said water pistol then went from location to location inside the tent.

When we got hungry Snappy and Myself went to get some chips whilst Consequences Cooked the sausages. When we got back though disaster has struck and when she let go of the frying pan it had tipped and the hot oil had gone all down her legs. No burns though luckily.

Consequences playing mum before the dreaded oil spill.

We toasted marshmallows, where I introduced them to the delicacy that is a marshmallow that has been roasted multiple times. 

We attempted to tell some ghost stories during the night, or at least I did when I Googled "ghost stories' then proceeded to read out the crappiest story in the world, before getting bored and just playing music on our phones. Our own music was a blessing after having to listen to a full day of cheesy kids nursery rhymes from the caravan opposite us.

Our penis themed memorial.

The next day we decided to do something for Smem who could not be with us. So, we went down to the beach with the penis pistol and "erected" a memorial in her memory.

We then walked along the beach in the surf, where I proceeded to get completely drenched (which I wasn't to bothered about). But I would like to state for the record that we walked in the opposite direction to the naked old biddies. We did however, walk back in that direction later to try and take a photograph with the nudists in the background, but after an attempted photo that didn't come out quite as we planned we started getting looks from the naked people and the purple haired granny lookes as though she was going to kill us at any minute. So we got out of there quick sharpish. I don't think I will return to that beach either as I found the whole experience unnerving. But, camping was great. An eventful and weird couple of days.

Meh
Bye.

Tone Deaf Singer

There is a person who, every Tuesday, feels the need to fill the town centre with her sounds of music. This would be OK with me if she could actually sing, which she can't. Every week it is the same the large lady and the tiny husband arrive, amp in tow, and she sings while he stands there watching. It's a bit weird if you ask me. He stands next to her for a while and the walks away and watches her from afar. He then walks back, tweaks a knob or two on the amp and continues listening. 
Where she sets up is only a few meters away from the doors to the shop where I work. When I am working, and I am sure my co-workers would agree it is the most infuriating thing, the sound that she makes just goes straight through your head.
I was in town today and today being a Tuesday, she was there as usual. I noticed that she was bellowing out/ murdering, Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On'. I could just make out the tune but I couldn't understand a word that she was singing, or should I say attempting to sing? Anyways, I sat there for a wile drinking my coffee and listened to her crooning for a while trying to work it out. Another song came o, I can't remember which one, but I worked out she wasn't just really bad at annunciating her words, she was singing in a different language. Who does that? Takes a 90's pop song and tries to make in operatic by singing in a different language? Well obviously she does.


Another thing, Who the hell goes out in public with and amp and microphone when they clearly can't sing? Plus I swear I saw her on like 'Britain's got Talent' or something and she was told she was crap on there. So why she thinks we want to hear her I don't know.


Meh
Bye.

First Post.

Hi. So I have never done one of these before. Have no idea what I am supposed to say.


The most irritating thing happened to me today. I got trapped on a train. Literally. No word of a lie. 

So, I took my little brother out today and thought, "Hmm. He's never been on a train before." So I thought I would take him on one. Getting to Portsmouth was fine. There were no problems at all. It was on the way home when the incident occurred. 
The train was already at the platform as I was getting on at the first stop. I got on the train sat down with my brother, and the little alarm thingy went off to say that the doors were closing. Now this was a good ten minutes before the train was due to leave, so I thought it was a bit weird. But then the other little alarm thingy went off to say that you could open the doors. Next thing i Know I see an engineer running up the platform towards the front of the train, and an announcement is made, "We are having problems with the operation of the doors on this train. Could all passengers please leave the train and await further announcements." So I got up and pressed the door button and suddenly all the lights in the carriage go out and I am stuck, with my four year old brother on a train with no lights on. I mean seriously, if you want everyone off the train you need to give them a chance to get off. I look out the widow to see other passengers being ushered away from the train. Completely oblivious to my banging on the window, with my little brother getting a little freaked out. So eventually all the lights go on and the train eventually leaves, after half an hour of being locked in. 
I don't mind so much, but what a crap first time train experience for my brother.


Meh. Bye.